Life is a Dance

"Life is like dancing. If we have a big floor, many people will dance. Some will get angry when the rhythm changes. But life is changing all the time."

I am sure most of you have noticed, but there have been quite a few changes in my life during the past few months. Doors have opened, and doors have closed, big decisions were put in front of me, and I found myself conflicted. I was at a crossroads, and no matter how I looked at things, I couldn't seem to decide which was the right way to go. I know most of you have been in similar situations and I wish I had some words of wisdom for you when it comes to moments like that. All I can say is what worked for me, and what helped me make up my mind and find absolute peace, is I simply sat down and listened to my heart. 

Fast forwarding many months later, to right here in the present, I am sincerely amazed at how in that moment months ago when I didn't know what to do, my heart did. It knew what was waiting for me, if I just had the courage to trust it. A few months ago I was living in LA. The year I lived out there was a wonderful adventure. Many good things happened to me, and some bad things as well, but I was surrounded by people living and breathing the film industry and that was exhilarating to me. When they say LA is the city of dreams, they are not exaggerating. Everyone is a dreamer, including myself. The question is though, how long do you keep dreaming? What do you put yourself through to see that your dreams come true? To some, that may seem a little over dramatic, but to those who are part of the film industry, they know exactly what I mean. So when my parents called and told me they were moving to Switzerland for three years and asked if I wanted to come back across the country to house sit for them, I felt that I was failing myself and my dreams for even considering it. 

I went back and forth about it for months, driving everyone crazy with my indecision. I just could not decide which was the better choice for me. And then one day, everything suddenly made sense, and my decision was crystal clear. I don't know how many times in life we find ourselves in perfect harmony with our lives, but that's exactly how I felt. Suddenly I knew that coming back was the right choice, I didn't know why, but I knew that when I thought about it, I was at peace and I saw it with perfect clarity. 

So yes I am back on the East Coast now. I know most of you have been confused as to what's been going on with me lately so I thought I would let you know. I am so incredibly happy. I haven't given up on the film industry completely. Those who know me, know that I always have something up my sleeve, and indeed I do. Despite all the things I have gone through in the last few months, and all the decisions I have made, I truly believe that right now in my life, I am in the right place at the right time, and I am ready for whatever happens next. 

I wish you all have those moments of perfect clarity. Yes I am still having ups and downs but I know that everything will work out in the end. I haven't been good at updates lately, but I promise to be better at it and keep you involved with my stories and my life. Thank you for all your good thoughts, and love that you've sent my way, I sent it all back!

Stand By and Stay Tuned, there's more to come....

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Dance in the Sun, Sing in the Rain.

Today I saw rain for the first time in almost a year, and let me tell you, I was overjoyed! I honestly never thought I would say that because for years rain has always been a damper to my life. I never wanted to walk to class in the rain, I never wanted to venture out anywhere in the rain, let alone work in the rain which I have had to do many times. However, now living in a place where rain is a extremely rare occurrence has now altered my perspective on my youthful misgivings about rain. In my wise and soulful twenty four years I want to proclaim that rain is truly a beautiful phenomenon. Sometimes it takes going without something for a really long time to realize how wonderful it really is, and because of my new found (current) passion for rain, I am using it as a metaphor for life. I have always been a firm believer that sunshine is better and far more superior to rainy days. I mean what's not to like, bright sunny days, no clouds in the sky, warm warm weather. (Except when you're in LA and it's warm when it rains too). Sunny days always make everything better and happier, or so I thought. When you have endless sunny days you begin to see that there are better or different things in life that you are missing out on. I cannot tell you how many times I have told my friends back home that I am dying to hear and see a thunderstorm again. I never realized how enormously I enjoyed those until now. Don't forget about the wonderful things in your life that you haven't appreciated lately. Just because they haven't been around or you haven't thought of them lately, doesn't mean they aren't still there. Whether it's people, places, things, or memories, it could be anything at all. So never take anything for granted, because it could be a long time before you realize what it meant to you. So to all my friends and family, Dance in the Sun, but Sing in the Rain. That's my heartfelt message for the day! :) xoxoxo


Stand By and Stay Tuned...there's more to come.

Cherish Who You Are

You are unique. You are precious, you are unforgettable, and you are without a doubt the most incredible person. There are moments in life that define you. Moments that make you smile, moments that hurt you, moments that lift you up, and moments that you remember forever. Through all those moments, the challenges, the triumphs, the pitfalls, and the surreal, remember exactly who you are and how precious you are. I have had many moments that define my life. There was the Miss Congeniality moment that defined my career choice (and total admiration for Sandra Bullock) there's the moments when I'm on the phone with my parents and they remind me how incredibly much I'm loved. There are moments of my past that remind me how much stronger I am and how much I've already overcome, and there are moments where I dream of what I still want to accomplish.

Cherish everything you have in your life, everything you want to have, and everything you've been through. Because of those moments, you are exactly who you are supposed to be. It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are. It takes courage to face the things that have hurt you, and to move on. It takes courage to move across the country in search of your dreams. How will you know what you are capable of if you don't challenge yourself.

Life is all about these moments. Ones we remember, ones we don't. Ones we save for later, and ones we hope to happen. Our lives are defined by so many. Through everything in life, just remember that you are unique. Your life is meant exactly for you, I do believe that. Embrace it, cherish it, and remember it all for later. You are unrepeatable, there is a magic to you that is all your own.

Stand By and Stay Tuned, there's more to come.

What Matters Most

What I've come to find in life, and in my life especially, is that the people you surround yourself with make all the difference. They comfort, they amuse, they support, they listen, but most importantly, they love unconditionally. I've learned the hard way which people to trust, which ones to befriend, and which ones are loyal. However,  I've also learned in my 24 years, that when you find the ones that matter, the ones that make all the difference, you cherish them and make sure they know how much they mean to you.

My family is always first and foremost with me. We're incredibly close and I would not be whole without them. I know they love me, and I love them, but I get enormous satisfaction in doing little things to make sure they know. Or even just to make them smile one more time that day. I have special little traditions with each one of them. I leave notes, I leave surprises, I send my Mom flowers without a reason, because she matters that much. You never need a reason, you never need an explanation for doing those little things. Even if they know it, it never hurts to remind them daily, weekly, monthly. Plan a surprise night out, go to dinner, go a play, plan an unexpected outing. They won't question it, they'll know you were thinking about them when you put it all together. My Dad keeps telling me that sending cards in the mail is going out of style these days, but I absolutely love sending cards. I do it all the time, just because I can.

Don't take for granted the ones that you have in your life that love you unconditionally. Sometimes in this day and age with all the technology and distractions available to us, we overlook what, and who we have in our lives. I may be guilty of it occasionally, but I've tried to fix it because I would be lost without my family, my best friends, my circle of people who I couldn't live without. They show me that I matter with the smallest things they do, so why not show them too? Because of the advances of technology and the world today, there's so much more you could do and plan. The possibilities are endless these days. Take advantage of that and do something special. Do it often, and do it because you want too.

I love sending flowers and cards to my Mom with no other reason then because I just want too. But even better then that, is the baffled phone call I get from her, asking why I send flowers, because I can hear the absolute joy in her voice. It's the least I can do for one of the most important people in my life. And if I weren't so far away,  I would be doing a lot more. What matters most in life is not what you achieve, but those who are standing next to you as your dreams come true.

So I hope I'm doing something for all of you and reminding you of the little things. And if anyone's wondering I like flowers too, or cards in the mail ;)

Stand By and Stay Tuned, there's more to come....

Beverly Hills Adventures

It's been a while guys, I know. I haven't kept up only because all my energy has been going into work lately. I get home each night and literally collapse on the couch, but I'm going to be better about it again. So much has happened in the couple months I've been working. But first, can I just say how much I love Beverly Hills?! What a cool part of LA and I love that I am able to be there every day and explore new parts of it. Working there every day motivates me even more to achieve all that I want too and more because it would be awesome to live there too one day. Plus the celebrity sightings are no hardship either. I was at Starbucks this week and this man came up to stand beside me as he waited for his coffee. I happened to glance up and I thought "Hmm that guy looks a lot like Kelsey Grammer." I looked again, very subtlely of course, and thought "Nooo that can't be him, I'm just imagining it." Then the barista asked him a question and as soon as he spoke I knew I was standing right next to the legendary Dr. Frasier Krane. I'd recognize that voice anywhere. I wanted to tell him how much I love Frasier, but as I was standing there grinning stupidly to myself about the whole thing, I decided just to keep it to myself and not bother him. Just standing next to him was enough, I'm actually still smiling about it haha. Although if it becomes a regular thing, you can bet I'll start chatting with him!

Another cool story that happened recently from another morning also occurred on my way to Starbucks (I'm sensing a pattern here, is that just me?) I happened upon a movie set on my way there - Imagine having a sort of movie set radar, because that's what I believe I have. I can spot them from 10 blocks away and I immediately zeroed in on the prop truck, so I knew I had indeed stumbled upon an actual movie set. (As opposed to an imaginary one? I don't know where I was going with that, but just roll with it) Well as I started toward the movie set, because it was taking up the whole street and of course I'm not going to go around it. I wanted to walk right through it. (Side Note: When you've worked on movie sets before, you learn how to do that so that no one questions you or what you're doing. I'm afraid I can't tell anyone how that works or I'd have to kill you. Wait, what?) Back to my story, so I'm walking through the movie set and all of a sudden I see a couple guys I recognize. It turns out part of the camera department from this movie (which I found out was a Steven Soderbergh HBO movie) also worked on Hunger Games with me, so I had tons of fun catching up with them for a bit and getting to see them again.

Of course when I got back to the studio (coffee cup in hand, I did eventually make it to Starbucks amid all the excitement) I was telling Janice Dickinson about my movie set adventures and low and behold she jumps up and decides she has to go talk to Steven Soderbergh right then and there. She strides out the door yelling over her shoulder for me to follow her, so we head back there and I get to see my Hunger Games friends again while Janice takes pictures with the crew and tries to find Steven. We never found Steven since we didn't have a lot of time before we had to start her morning show, but I did see Matt Damon! So it's a success in my eyes even though I was running around like crazy trying to follow Janice around. (She has really long legs, it's harder then you think...)

Anyway those are a couple adventures I've have lately. As you can see I'm really enjoying this new chapter of my life and the experiences I'm getting to have. I'll post more updates in a more current fashion from now on I promise. For all those who were worried about me in the last few months, I'm doing really great now.  I'm enjoying this next phase and the opportunities that have become available to me and what I'm doing. I don't know if I'll ever become one of those people who are no longer star struck, it happens to the best of us, but sometimes I still can't believe I'm here in LA. One day it'll sink in, but for now I'm loving every minute. I'd like to give a shout out to everyone at FilmOn, especially Kato Kaelin who is awesome and has given me a segment on his show! Much love to all my friends and family. I miss you all more then you know. Stand By and Stay tuned, there's more to come.

The World of Live Shows

So it's been about a month since I began working at a TV station and what a whirlwind it has been. Initially I didn't know if I had what it takes to be a part of running live online talk shows. It's extremely different then working on movie sets, which is all I had done before this. But with a lot of practice, and encouragement from everyone who works there, I learned the rhythm and I am now completely comfortable with the job. Of course I'm doing fifty million things at once every day, but that actually suits my personality quite well.  (For those of you who know me well, when am I not running around and doing fifty million things??)

Some people are still asking me what exactly it is that I do there so I'll go into detail for you guys. Earlier I had said I help run the control room during the shows, which is the short answer. The long answer is that I run the photos and videos, that go up during the show. All the while running the teleprompter, the skype calls, phone calls, and getting people to sign the release forms, before, during, and after each show. Sounds like a lot doesn't it? Well it is a lot, but again, I prefer to be running most of the time then sitting still, so I don't mind. And again, it's all live so you have to be on your toes the whole time. Tuned in, paying attention, and anticipating the hosts and what they'll need next. On average we do about 11 shows a week. I know that's actually quite a bit, and it does get a little hectic, but the rest of the crew that works there is fantastic, and we all pitch in to help each other when it's a high stress day, or during any crazy moment. I'm really grateful to be working with such fantastic people.

The hosts of the shows are pretty fantastic too. I'm lucky to say that in a month I've become good friends with Janice Dickinson, Kato Kaelin, and Natalie Nunn and many more. We have many other hosts, and a variety of shows, so it's a pretty fun environment. We have live bands, and football players that come on the show. Bachelorette's, and 2012 London Olympians. It's something new every day, and I'm thrilled to have learned about this new aspect of film and online TV that I didn't know about before. I'm also quite thrilled to know that I can handle it and work there as confidently as I did on a movie set.

So that's an overview of what I do and what's been going on. I'll do more regular updates, I've been a little lax lately as I've been getting into the rhythm of working, but stay tuned, because as always, there's more to come.

People

Airports are a cool place. I love all the different people and the mix of cultures. There's the families who travel together as a pack. I'm familiar with that, as I spent most of my life doing that with my own. There's the single business men who move through the airport as if they were forever on the motorized walkway, phones glued to their ear. The business women, who move a little slower then the men, but at their lighting speed I think they actually still notice what is around them. The tourists with cameras still strapped around their necks, T-shirts exclaiming how much they love the city they are departing from. Then there's the people like me, who neither fit into the business person nor family category. The one who closely watches everything going on around them.

Sometimes I want to stop the business men who travel at their warp speed and tell them to slow down. Life isn't always about rushing around. We all need to remember to find the joy and peace that life can give us. Now if I'm running late for a flight of course I go into warp speed myself and the only thing I'm aware of is the vague bodies of people as I go sailing by...but on days like today (when my flight's been delayed) I'm allowed the chance to stop and observe the comings and goings around me.

I like to smile at the tourists who cannot contain their excitement about how big the airport is or how many different selections there are at the food court and surrounding shops. I like to smile at all the families, at the laughter and arguments that always happen during traveling. It makes me think of my own and wish for the days when we used to all travel together. I see couples who are so completely in love, that they only see each other, and I wish for the day when I'll have person in my life too.

I even smile at the foreigners, because it makes me think of Europe, and being surrounded by so many types of people over there. I love the mix of accents, the clash of cultures, and the ability to see so many different people in one place. Airports really are the best place to people watch. You see love, you see sadness, you see people working, people relaxing, people hurrying, and people strolling. So as I continue to people watch (since my flight is still delayed) I'll leave you with this quote from Love Actually that I think sums all this up.

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around. "  - Love Actually


Stand By and Stay Tuned, there's more to come.